Death Is Never Easy To Deal With

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Daveda_Gruber]Daveda Gruber
I have been coping with death and losing people for most of my life. I dream of dead people most nights. Some of these dreams are welcomed by me because I seem to get time with those no longer here on earth with me. I just wonder if this will last forever or if I can fall asleep and not have to encounter dead people one day or night.
My sister was murdered at the age of twenty-seven. She had been living with me because her lease on her apartment was up and she was not sure of where she wanted to live. I had just become separated from my second husband and my sister was pleased to share my luxury apartment with her.
Two months later she went to a doctor appointment and then I was told by police to a small bar in Montreal, Quebec, Canada where I used to live. I am now an American living with my husband in Pennsylvania.
My sister, Sharon, was not home by eleven at night and my mother called me. My mother and I always had a strange thing that she knew before I called her that something was wrong. My mom asked if my sister was home yet. I told her no. She asked if I knew where she was. I said no to that too. We were both worried. My sister wore contact lenses and in those years, you could not keep them in too long. I checked her room and the bathroom. Her contact lens case was empty. The solution was in clear view so were her glasses. She could not see very far without corrective help.
The phone rang at midnight and it was my sister on the phone. She was calling from a phone booth and could not give me the location. She sounded drugged. I told her to get into a taxi and come home. I asked her if she remembered the address. She did but said she did not have money. I told her that I would give money to the doorman and did. Then I called my mom and got her up to date.
My mother called me back an hour later; asking if Sharon had come home. I said no. We were both worried. The calls to each other went back and forth. I finally went to bed.
The next morning my sister had not come home. I called the police to report this. I was connected with the missing children's department. I was told that there was no missing adult division in the Montreal area. I was also told, even after explaining the 'contact lens' situation, that there was nothing they could do until my sister was missing for at least a week.
I followed procedure, even though I was not happy and started to feel my sister must be dead. I did not help that my ex-husband was calling me saying, "Dead, dead, dead." He admitted to doing this many years later.
I finally filled a missing person's report when I was allowed to. By this time, I knew my sister must be dead. The police came up with dead ends ad did not seem to diligently pursue the case. No one seemed to have noticed who she had left the bar with. No one had seen a thing.
People have no idea how difficult it is on a family to have no closure. I some who know the facts of my sister's murder knew they would have at least put in a confidential call. Sharon does not have a grave and probably never will. This bothers me and probably will always.
My dad was in a convalescent hospital at the time and I was told he needed immediate surgery in Ottawa in a heart specialty hospital. They removed a vein from his leg and attached it to his heart.
I took a train to Ottawa and saw him. I also spoke to the doctors. I was told that the operation was a complete success. My dad had asked me if my sister, Sharon had been found. I answered no to him. He said, "She's dead."
My dad died less than a week later. One funeral but I was grieving for more than my father.
My closest uncle died and years later, his wife, my favorite and closest aunt died. I spent her last week in the hospital with my cousin Maureen, who is an only child, watching my aunt slowly die. More funerals and more death had seeped their way into my life.
My eldest daughter had been living with me for the last two years of her life. She had been in an abusive relationship and I took her into my home after divorcing my second husband. She finally wanted to live on her own and moved out of my house. Less than a week later, she took her own life while watching part two of Titanic the movie. It was found in her VCR that was still running.
I found out about her death by a policeman on the telephone. Family drove me there but stopped me from seeing her lifeless body and the removal in a body bag. I picked her coffin and headstone. I wrote something for her foot stone.
She died in early January. Montreal winters can be very cold. I spent all my days sitting in the snow where her headstone would be placed.
I am now an American so I don't go to her grave unless I am in Montreal.
On June twelfth of this year, 2011, my mother died. She had been telling me, on the phone, that she was going to die; she felt it. My cousin got her to the hospital in an ambulance and I flew to Montreal to see my mother.
I stayed two weeks and then was told by doctors that she could live a week or six months or a year. I asked my mother if she wanted me to stay. She told me to go home. I had already made arrangements if she should die and arrangement if she should be moved into an assisted living environment. I had stopped her apartment lease and cleared it out. I had done everything I could, including visiting Lanie's, my father's, my grandmother's and aunt and uncle's graves. Oh, death was all around as I waited for the inevitable death of my mom, Sonia.
I went home to PA and she died less than a week later. My cousin, Maureen looked after what I had set up. She picked up her belongings at the hospital and said goodbye. My mother had died in her sleep.
I still miss my mother and my daughter. The longing to see my sister and father and aunt and uncle have faded somewhat. I still think to call my mother when something interesting happens and then I realize that she doesn't have a phone number anymore.
Her number use to be in my cell phone. I asked my husband to delete it because I could not 'delete' my mom.
I still bought pink flowers for my mother and purple for my daughter and hung them on all the trees near my house this summer the day after my mom died. Pink was my mother's favorite color and my daughter loved purple. I couldn't buy flowers for my mother without buying the same amount for my daughter. My husband thought I was crazy for putting all the flowers on hooks on the trees and stretching to water them all summer. He thought they were for me but I told him who they were for. He told me not to do it next year.
I guess the more time that goes by the easier it gets. Surely I will lose someone else before I die, so, it will start all over again. That would make all the memories clearer again. I don't think we can ever forget. Those close to us that we have lost still have a part of our hearts.
I know that certain days of the year hit me harder than others. Birthdays are a big one. My daughter, Lanie's birthday was two days before mine, so, that is very difficult for me. 'Mother's Day' will be really tough from now on, just as 'Fathers Day' has been a bad one for a long time.
My husband is not very compassionate and does not say kind words to me to make things more bearable. Maybe it could be easier for those who have a compassionate husband or friend to rely on. Life must go on. I know I am strong because it is not easy to endure death around one's self. I must continue to build my strength although not one day goes by without me thinking about those I have lost. This makes me feel so alone.
If you are coping with the loss of someone dear to you, remember you are not the only person who is grieving. Maybe that fact should give us all solace.
Author/Poet of fifteen novels, poetry books and children's books including, My Blonde World, Magical Moments, Steelers Cheers, A Blonde View of Life, Cling to the Magic Mere Mortals, Tales of a Tiny Dog, More Tales of a Tiny Dog, Castle of Ice, The Blonde Who Found Jesus, Snapshots...a Blonde View, and More snapshots from my Family Album. I am a publisher, poetry site owner, graphic art designer, website designer and video producer.  [mailto:Daveda@Roadrunner.com]Daveda@Roadrunner.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Death-Is-Never-Easy-To-Deal-With&id=6649439] Death Is Never Easy To Deal With